Episode 85 – Why Does Bully Still Trigger Me?

Why Does Bully Still Trigger Me? A Delightful Tale of Healing, Sarcasm, and Well-Placed Eye Rolls…

So someone asked me today, with a straight face, mind you,“How come Bully still triggers you so much? I thought you were healing?”
And honestly, I had to pause for a moment. Not because it was a bad question. But because it was so adorably naive I almost wanted to knit them a scarf and pat their head.

Let’s clear this up once and for all.

Healing does not mean you suddenly turn into a spiritually enlightened snowflake who floats through life like a lavender-scented cloud, impervious to assholery. No, no, my friend. Healing means you notice the knot in your stomach when Bully’s name pops up on your phone. You feel the tiny rage-goblin inside start to tap dance when you spot his car pulling in for one of his weird, pointless drive-by’s.

But now you know what it is.
Now you can clock it.
Now you can go “Ah yes, there it is, good old ancestral trauma bubbling up like a bad curry. Charming.”

See, Bully isn’t just a man. He’s a symbol. A mascot. A flesh-and-bone representation of every single time someone took from you, talked over you, twisted things behind your back, or decided your voice didn’t matter because it wasn’t convenient for them.
He’s a walking trigger.
A human middle finger in cargo shorts.

And here’s the kicker, even when you’re healing, even when you’ve journaled, saged, meditated, therapized, and screamed into the occasional pillow, some people still get to you. Because they aren’t just about this moment. They’re about everything they remind you of.
They’re every time you bit your tongue.
Every time you played nice to keep the peace.
Every time you got blindsided by another petty, passive-aggressive stunt from someone who should’ve known better.

Healing doesn’t erase that. It just gives you new tools to handle it.
Now, instead of losing my mind, I write sarcastic blog posts and picture Bully accidentally stepping in something squishy and unpleasant. Growth.

So to whoever asked me that today, and bless you for your optimism, here’s your answer:

I’m healing. But I’m not a damn robot.

And frankly, if people like Bully stopped triggering me completely, I’d be worried I’d gone numb or joined a cult.

I don’t aspire to never react. I aspire to react with a bit more style. Maybe a well-timed eyebrow raise, a cutting one-liner, or a passive-aggressive blog post thinly disguised as spiritual wisdom.

Because here’s the thing:

I can be healing, grateful, growing, and still want to tell certain people to jog on.

It’s called balance.

Lesson of the Day:

Not every reaction means you’re broken. Some reactions mean you’re awake. Some people are just spiritual fire drills, a chance to practice choosing yourself, again and again. Feel it, clock it, don’t shame it. Healing isn’t about perfection, it’s about honesty.