Episode 75 – Bully’s War Room…

Bully’s War Room: How to Take Over a Life in 5 Easy Steps…

You ever watch a horror film where you’re shouting at the telly, ‘Don’t go in there! Don’t trust him! Can’t you see what’s happening?! ‘

Yeah – that was my life. Only it wasn’t a horror film. It was my Dad, me, and Bully. And it didn’t happen in one big dramatic scene. It happened slowly. Subtly. Like mold creeping across the ceiling you swear wasn’t there yesterday.

It started the day Dad was diagnosed with dementia.

Suddenly, the family dynamic shifted. The ground tilted. And guess who showed up with a hard hat and a clipboard? That’s right – Bully. ‘I’ll sort the finances, keep things running smoothly,’ he said. So helpful. So efficient. Like a Mafia accountant in a cardie.

At first, it was little things. Paying bills. Organizing meds. Then he started managing Dad’s appointments. And before I knew it, he was calling the care agency – the same one I dealt with every single day as Dad’s primary carer -and made himself the main contact.

Main Contact.

Picture this:
I’m sitting beside Dad, just finished helping the carer wash and dress him, made them a cuppa, sorted his meds… and my phone buzzes:

Bully’s Text:
Dad’s had his wash and breakfast. Carer’s gone. All good here.

Me:
Looking around the room like I’ve slipped into a parallel universe.
‘Erm… yeah. I know. I was here. I handed them the bloody towel.’

I mean – what even is that?
Updates on my own father while I’m literally in the bloody house.

That, dear readers, was the moment I realized: The Takeover had begun.

Bully’s Hostile Takeover Playbook…

In the spirit of public service, and to help others spot the warning signs, I’ve decided to imagine what Bully’s personal guide might look like. You’re welcome.

How to Seize Power in a Family Crisis: Bully’s 5-Step Plan…

Step 1:
Wait for a crisis. Death, dementia, divorce – doesn’t matter. Chaos is opportunity.

Step 2:
Offer to ‘take one thing off your hands.’ Preferably something financial. Money is the steering wheel. You don’t need the engine if you’ve got that.

Step 3:
Reposition yourself as the responsible one. Send a few well-timed guilt texts. Use phrases like ‘I’m only thinking of Dad‘ and ‘It’s for the best.‘

Step 4:
Slowly cut out witnesses. Change who’s on paperwork. Become the main contact. Control information flow. Start texting people updates about their own lives. Confuse them into thinking you’re omniscient.

Step 5:
When anyone questions you, sigh heavily and say, ‘I’m just trying to help.‘
Bonus move: Cry if cornered. People love a martyr.

On a Serious Note…

Now, while we can laugh about it (because if I didn’t, I’d scream), this stuff happens in real families. A lot. People like Bully thrive in chaos because decent people are too exhausted, too grief-stricken, or too bloody trusting to see what’s happening.

If you’re caring for a loved one, especially someone vulnerable, keep your eyes open for:

• Shifts in control over money, information, and decisions.
• New ‘main contacts’ suddenly appearing on paperwork.
• People managing communication about a person they barely see.
• Gaslighting tactics: ‘You’re overreacting.’ ‘I’m only helping.’ ‘You’re too emotional.’

And never be afraid to speak up. Even if it feels like you’re making a fuss. Even if you’re called difficult. Difficult is better than disappeared.

Because by the time the dust settles, if you’re not careful, you’ll be the one getting updates about your own life from someone else’s war room.