Episode 57 – The Long Con: Nurse Fanny and Bully’s Big Score…

The Long Con: Nurse Fanny and Bully’s Big Score ‘Or’ How Two Adult Siblings Outsmarted the Naïve and Overwhelmed(But Only For a While).

You know what they say, hindsight is 20/20. But in our case, hindsight had prescription bifocals, a flashlight and still missed the plot entirely. It wasn’t until my brother Saul and I sat down for one of those ‘we-should-have-seen-it’ chats that the whole thing finally clicked. The signs were there. Not just the writing on the wall, the whole flipping novella. But we were too busy being decent, trusting humans to notice the family heist happening under our noses.

Act I: Nurse Fanny, Minister of Medical Manipulation.

Fanny, the nurse with a heart of gold-plated strategy. Always with a thermometer in one hand and a death certificate schedule in the other (metaphorically speaking, of course… I hope). She was so concerned. Always monitoring Dad’s condition, adjusting medications, cleaning things, whispering updates like she was running a hospice mixed with MI5.

In reality? She was playing a long game of elder-care chess while we were still learning draughts. ‘She’s just practical’ I used to say. ‘She knows how to handle this sort of thing.’ Reader, she knew how to handle everything, especially us.

Act II: Bully, the Land Sniffer.

And then there was Bully. No stethoscope, no clipboard, just a keen eye for acreage and inheritance loopholes. While Fanny pretended to be Florence Nightingale, Bully took on the role of Baldrick from Blackadder, only with a lot less charm and a lot more spreadsheets.

He wasn’t visiting Dad out of love. He was casing the joint like a low-rent estate agent with boundary issues. And oh, the paperwork! You’ve never seen someone take such a sudden, passionate interest in land registry documents. He was like a ferret in a drawer of birth certs and folio numbers. ‘Just helping out’ he said. With what? Redistributing wealth to himself?

Act III: Us, the Background Characters.

Meanwhile, Saul and I were like extras in our own family drama. ‘Isn’t it great how Fanny’s so organized?’ Isn’t Bully being helpful lately?’ Honestly, it’s embarrassing. We were the kind of trusting that makes you want to shake your past self by the shoulders and say, ‘Lads, get a clue!’ We were busy bringing biscuits to family meetings while the real action was happening in whispered phone calls, not-so-accidental omissions and ‘accidentally’ lost keys.

Act IV: The Failed Eviction and the Glitch in the Plot.

Here’s where the plan hit a snag and oh, what a beautiful snag it was. While Dementia quietly clouded Dad’s world, Fanny and Bully were busy writing their own script. In their version, I was supposed to be a short-term character. A guest star. Someone politely shuffled off stage before the final act. They laid the groundwork well: subtle nudges, manipulative murmurs and manufactured tension. The air around Faurel Hill grew thick with implication. I was inconvenient. Temporary. Merely… passing through.The only problem? I didn’t leave.

And that, dear reader, was the glitch in their great design. Because while they were prepping the paperwork and sharpening their knives, I stayed, present, inconvenient and increasingly aware. And when Bully finally emerged from the shadows to start his usual bulldozing routine, I wasn’t gone. I was right here. Watching. Listening. Documenting.

Suddenly their tidy little heist had a witness they hadn’t factored in. They say every plan has a weakness.

Lesson of the Day:

Never underestimate a nurse with a clipboard or a sibling who suddenly learns how to spell ‘beneficiary’. And if you find yourself at the center of a quiet family conspiracy….

Stay put, stay sharp and keep receipts.