Episode 23 – Executor? I Barely Know Her! (A Love Letter to Inaction and Silence)

When someone dies, they tell you, ‘Don’t worry, the executors will handle everything’. Oh, how young and naive I was. I pictured wise, responsible figures – clipboards in hand, decisive phone calls being made, maybe even a crisp suit or two. Instead, I got two people who couldn’t organize a sandwich, let alone an estate.(Unless there’s a prize for ‘Most Creative Delay Tactics to hide the contents of the will – in which case… first place!)

To start: The will? Yeah… it was never actually read to the family ( that is outdated, I guess!). At the funeral, it was agreed that everyone would get a copy – a nice little handshake deal sealed in grief. Spoiler alert: I got nada. When I politely requested a copy later, I was told to ‘get a solicitor’ – because apparently basic decency comes with legal fees now. Eventually, I was sent the one section that directly pertained to me – a thrilling excerpt! – as if the rest was some kind of classified national secret.

Signs you might have an Executor (In Name Only): Their most decisive action so far? Silence and intimidation.

They’ve developed a rare medical condition: Selective Executor Amnesia – only remembering promises when convenient. Their spirit animal is the tumbleweed, rolling across the barren landscape of your hopes and dreams. They believe ‘transparency’ means silence for 17 months. They hold ‘meetings’ (aka gossip sessions) that somehow never result in anything concrete… except maybe a new rumor about you or what they will do next..

Fun Fact: In the time it has taken them to ‘sort it’ I could have built a cabin, trained a donkey to carry messages and still filed probate myself – barefoot, uphill, both ways.

Breaking News:The only thing being executed here is your patience, your sanity and occasionally, your faith in humanity. But hey, maybe I misunderstood.

Maybe ‘executor’ actually comes from the ancient Latin for ‘person who avoids all responsibility but still expects applause.’ (A scholar might disagree. I don’t care.) So here I sit: Living under the will, over the drama and 1,000% ready to put myself in charge of my peace.Stay tuned. I’ve got pens. I’ve got paper. And most importantly – I’ve got time.(Unlike some people.)