Episode 77 – Do Ya Want the Air Fryer?!

Do Ya Want the Air Fryer?! – The Day The Grief Parade Rolled In..

When people say grief brings out the best and worst in families, I now know what they mean. Mostly the worst.

Dad hadn’t even been gone 24 hours when Bully Yates, always quick off the mark, installed a brand new, locked post box outside the front door. Not for me, mind you. Just for his and Dad’s post. Yes. That’s right. A dual-post system. He even instructed the postman to separate our post – mine through the letter slot, his into the shiny new fortress nailed to the wall.

At the time, I remember thinking: What exactly is he expecting in the post? A golden will? Secret treasure maps? A Tesco voucher from the other side? Still, I let it go. I had bigger things to process – like the actual death in the family.

But then, just a few days later, Bully and Petunia returned, this time with Fanny in tow, like a human megaphone with a handbag. I stayed in the sitting room. Not out of fear, just self-preservation. I knew exactly why they were there: to gather. Not to grieve.

They made their way through the house loudly, as if volume justified their presence. Cupboards opened, drawers shuffled. The occasional theatrical sigh or comment floated down the hall, staged just loudly enough for me to hear.

Then it came: ‘Hey Petunia – do ya want the air fryer?!’ Fanny’s voice rang out like a panto villain tossing gold coins into the audience. I nearly burst out laughing. It was such a surreal moment – Dad barely gone, the air fryer up for grabs, and the whole scene playing out like some cursed episode of Antiques Roadshow meets EastEnders.

Even Heff, my loyal dog, just stared toward the hallway, frozen. Neither of us moved. Not a peep. That was the real victory. They didn’t get the performance they were banking on.

After about an hour of hauling, sorting, and stuffing the car like a boot sale, they left. Triumphant, I suppose. But they didn’t get what they really came for – a reaction. And as the silence settled, I thought to myself, so this is how it begins.

Message from Dad (From Beyond):

If they took the air fryer, they’d better bloody use it. I never figured out how it worked.