Episode 62 – Friday Night Lights… and Gaslights…

Under the Will, Over the Drama – A Bulky Tale…

Once upon a Friday night, in the land of late-night chipper runs and family duty rotas, my other brother Saul was on his usual noble quest: Friday Night with Dad. He arrived armed with battered sausages, curry chips and a salt-and-vinegar sword – a true knight of the deep fryer.

Not Bully, though. Oh no. Bully wouldn’t part with a cent if you paid him to take it. Fast forward to Fanny (our Saturday shift cover) texting at 10pm to say she’s out. Fair enough. Life happens.

Problem? I had plans. Big ones. An important farewell for a friend leaving her job – you know, actual social interaction that didn’t involve explaining what that smell in Dad’s fridge is.

So Saul rings Bully, phone passes hands, calendars get juggled and at long last – a plan emerges!

Bully’s missus – let’s call her Petunia, because it suits – is already taking her mother to a hospital appointment Saturday morning, but no bother. She’ll cover the afternoon shift with Dad. Sorted.

Or so I thought.

Saturday arrives. I prep Dad, give him the lowdown. No sign of Petunia, but I have to leave. So I hide the key, send a text to Petunia letting her know where it is, and off I go into the land of adult conversation and beverages.

About halfway to my friend’s, what do I pass?
Bully’s house.

And who’s there?
Not tending to Dad. Not at a hospital.
No, no.
Petunia herself, watering her begonias, calm as a cloudless sky.
Like she hadn’t just dropped an emotional hand grenade on our entire weekend rota.

I nearly pulled over and screamed into a flowerpot.

So what happens next? I text. She claims she knows nothing. Saul calls Bully. Bully shrugs like he’s auditioning for The Godfather: County Edition. And Dad? Well, Dad just wants to know where the remote’s gone.

These aren’t simple miscommunications. This is weaponized chaos.
A family tradition so deeply rooted it’s probably up for protected heritage status.

And the gaslighting?
Industrial-grade.

The only thing thicker than the family ties is the gravy on those chips Saul brought over the night before.

Lesson of the Day..

If someone shows you their true colours while holding a watering can, believe them.

Never assume an agreement with Bully & Co. is set in stone, odds are it’s written in disappearing ink.

Always double-check, triple-confirm and keep the engine running… because when you pass the supposed ‘helper’ pruning petunias instead of doing their job, you’ll want to be ready to scream into the wind and drive on with dignity.

Trust, but verify. Or in this family? Just verify.