Aunty Fan’s Message from Beyond…

Aunty Fan’s Message from Beyond: A Hyena by Any Other Name…

Well now… would you look at this carry-on. Me, Aunty Fan, finally getting a word in from the other side. You didn’t think I was going to sit up here quietly, watching all this tomfoolery unfold without putting my two cents in, did you? The dead might rest in peace but I was never one for resting.

First off, let’s address the ridiculousness that still makes my tea go cold in the afterlife: that woman – Fanny McFox, parading around like a prize peacock, cackling like a hyena with a chest infection. And let me tell you something, I ought to know a hyena’s laugh when I hear it. I predicted a plague of them once in the tea leaves. Turned out it was just a dodgy batch of pork at Mc’ Sweeney’s Butchers, but still, my point stands.

You’d think after all these years she might’ve softened, but no. Even in spirit form, I can hear that banshee screech every time she’s mentioned. And what really curdles my ectoplasm is that they had the audacity, nay, the cheek, to name the woman after me. Me. Fan. Aunty Fan. Keeper of the kettle, reader of the leaves, backbone of this blasted family. And what did I get for it? A namesake who laughs like she’s being strangled by joy itself. Go tell.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I gave my life to that family. Never married, never had a moment’s peace, but by God, nobody went without while I was around. I put food on tables, settled debts and saw things in tea cups that would make your hair curl. Granny Frass was my sister, you know. Strong as an ox, sharp as a tack and between the two of us, we held that ragtag bunch together with little more than blind loyalty and the occasional smack on the back of the head.

And then along came her. Fanny McFox. Always with her sly smile and that fake modesty routine. ‘Oh Aunty Fan, you’re so clever with your tea leaves. Show me how you do it.’ I’ll show you, alright. Read this leaf, love – it says you’re a pain in the backside. I swear, if the woman so much as looked at my teapot, the milk would sour.

And the thing is and I’ll give you this – the universe has a wicked sense of humor. Because it’s the ones like her who live to be 104 and die rich in their beds surrounded by people pretending they liked them.

But enough about that old gasbag. The real reason I’m here is to remind you lot that family isn’t about blood or namesakes. It’s about who shows up when the kettle’s boiled, when the chips are down, when you’ve nobody left to call but the person you said you’d never speak to again. It’s about loyalty, and backbone and knowing when to call a hyena a hyena.

So, to those carrying the torch down there, don’t be fooled by the loud ones. It’s the quiet, steady hearts that keep the world turning. And if you find yourself in doubt, put the kettle on and make tea. I’ll be watching the leaves.

Words of Wisdom from Aunty Fan..

When the kettle boils, you’ll know who’s worth waiting for.

You know, love, I’ve learned a few things in my time, most of them the hard way. And since I’ve got a front-row seat from beyond these days, watching you lot make the same daft mistakes we did, I thought it was high time I shared a bit of what’s kept me going. Take it or leave it, but mark my words, they’ll serve you well.

1. Loyalty is proven in silence.
It’s easy for people to clap you on the back when you’re up, but it’s the ones who quietly stand beside you when the room empties that matter. Watch for them. Remember them. They’re rare as hen’s teeth.

2. Trust your gut.
It’s the oldest part of you. Smarter than your head and kinder than your heart. If something feels off, it probably is. And if a person makes you question your worth, walk away. No tea leaf ever lied as quick as a human being can.

3. People show you who they are when they think you’re not looking.
Pay attention. Not to what they say, but what they do when there’s nothing in it for them. That’s the measure of a soul.

4. Carry your own weather.
Don’t wait for others to set the mood. Be your own peace, your own storm, your own sunbeam. God knows the world’s full of wet blankets.

5. Learn to laugh at yourself.
Because life will take the mick out of you whether you like it or not. You might as well get in first and have a good chuckle.

And lastly – put the kettle on when you’re lost.
It won’t fix everything but it’s a start. And it’ll give me time to show up in the steam and whisper a word or two.

Aunty Fan x