The Will, the Drama, and the Silence of Bully..

Scene: A cozy kitchen in the great beyond. A kettle whistles. There’s the soft clink of china, the rustle of angel robes and the faint smell of turf, lavender and a hint of disapproval. My dearly departed crew have gathered to discuss current events from Faurel Hill.

Mom (wiping her hands on a ghostly tea towel): ‘Look, love… I tried to teach you manners but I didn’t teach you to tolerate fools. Especially ones with keys to the shed and no sense of responsibility. Bully thinks silence is power but it’s just cowardice in a flat cap. If I were down there, I’d have had that CCTV turned backwards and left a casserole on his bonnet as a warning’.

Dad (sitting at the table with a mug of something suspiciously strong):’You know what his problem is? He’s allergic to honesty and scared of paperwork. That man wouldn’t fill out a form unless it came with turf tokens and a pint. Still, I admire your patience – I’d have locked the gate and left a note: ‘Communication Required for Re-entry.’ Short and sweet.’

Granny (holding court from the corner, rosary beads in one hand, teacake in the other): ‘Back in my day, if someone acted like Bully, the neighbors would’ve taken turns calling him out – over tea, turf and turf wars. He’s lucky you’re not the sort to curse a man’s milk. But maybe you should be. You’re allowed to be angry, love. You’re not mad, you’re surrounded by people pretending their silence is sacred. It’s not. It’s manipulation in wellies.’

Grandfather (materializing in a mist of tobacco smoke and vague wisdom): ‘I never met the man but I’ve seen his kind before – always lurking around gates, talking to cows more than people. Here’s what you do: draw a line. In chalk, turf or fire. And when he steps over it, you’ll know what you’re dealing with. Also: bury a potato under the camera. Just trust me.

They all pause for tea and a collective sigh.

Mom: ‘You’re doing better than you think, pet. Just keep your head up and your records clear.’

Dad: ‘And keep your sarcasm sharp. It’s your birthright’.

Granny: ‘Talk to your dead. We listen better than the living anyway.’

Grandfather: ‘Also, don’t trust anyone who doesn’t wave at the crows.’

Lesson from Beyond:

Just because someone’s quiet doesn’t mean they’re deep. Sometimes they’re just full of turf and bad intentions.