Calling Out The Myth…

Calling Out the Myth: When Family Bullying Isn’t ‘Just Family’.

They say ‘that’s just how he is or ‘It’s family – let it go’.

But what happens when ‘just family’ starts to feel like just survival? There’s a myth that bullying ends when you leave school or that it only looks like shoves and name-calling. But in adulthood, especially inside families, bullying gets quieter, trickier and far easier to excuse. It doesn’t come with bruises. It comes with undermining your voice, rewriting your reality and making you feel like the problem for pointing it out.

I’ve been gaslit with a smile. I’ve been excluded from decisions that directly affect my life. I’ve been painted as difficult for daring to ask for fairness. The bully isn’t always a brute, they can be polite, respected, even charming to everyone else. They might hold the keys to your family home, your inheritance or your sense of safety. That doesn’t make them less of a bully. It just makes the abuse harder to name.

We don’t like to use words like ‘bullying’ or ‘abuse’ when it comes to family. It feels dramatic. Disloyal. We’re taught to protect the family image at all costs, especially when speaking the truth means breaking a long-held silence. But staying silent doesn’t protect you. It protects the one who’s doing harm. The damage is real.

The erosion of your confidence. The constant second-guessing. The panic when your phone lights up with their name. The tension in your chest when you walk into a room you technically ‘belong’ in but feel like an intruder. These aren’t overreactions. They’re signs of repeated harm. And when that harm goes unchecked, you don’t just lose peace – you lose pieces of yourself.

Calling it out is not petty. Wanting boundaries is not betrayal. Saying ‘this is hurting me’ is not being dramatic. It’s being honest. And honesty in a family built on silence is an act of resistance.

So here it is, plainly: If someone uses power, guilt, silence or control to make you feel small, unseen or unsafe. That is bullying. Even if it’s your brother or sister. Even if they smile while they do it. Even if no one else sees it. This post might not fix it. But it can name it. And sometimes, that’s the first crack in the wall. The one that lets the light in…