Episode 18 – All Hail His Majesty, Sovereign of Faurel Lake

Every family has one – the mysterious sibling who claims to love the land, right up until there’s a boat involved. In our case, it was a real royal affair. Picture it: while the some of us were knee-deep in turf, care rotas and emotional debris, Bully Yates was quietly launching his monarchy… one boat trip at a time.

The Secret Boat Society. You’d think owning a boat was something to be proud of – unless, of course, it was acquired while Dad was still alive and you were supposed to be helping out ( doing your Saturday -that’s another post!). But no. The vessel was spoken of like a cursed artifact: not to be mentioned, lest it summon guilt or accountability. It stayed hidden like a floating alibi. Docked somewhere discreet while His Majesty embarked on urgent matters of state… on the lake.

Shift dodging & delegating duties while some of us played musical chairs with hospital visits, bed changes and appointments. His Lordship’s ‘shifts’ mysteriously involved being out of reach. No phone signal on the lake, you see – only the echo of silence and the occasional ‘ I’ll send the missus up instead’.

Ah yes, the royal consort. Loyal, efficient and probably more qualified to run the kingdom but sadly, unpaid and not thanked. Coronation by canoe somewhere along the line, Bully Yates decided the land was not enough. He wanted water. Space. Power. A horizon to gaze at dramatically, far from the responsibilities he never asked for but complained about constantly. And so, he anointed himself Sovereign of Faurel Lake.

No crown just a captain’s hat. No throne just a folding chair with a drink holder and a fishing pole. But the ego? Titanic. Still Wants the Land though despite his aquatic ascension, he still claims dominion over the fields, sheds and ancestral drama. Because nothing says ‘I’ve moved on’ like asserting control over a place you refuse to actually be in. Long may he float. So here’s to His Majesty: Ruler of ripples. Dodger of duty. Commander of the canoe (well, okay – something with an outboard motor and a cooler full of cans). All hail. All laugh. All learned.

Lesson of the day: Being the captain of a boat doesn’t excuse abandoning the ship at home!