Episode 9 – The Silent Drive-By

It’s November. It’s late. I’m asleep in bed, blissfully unaware that I’m about to star in the rural version of a heist movie –Mission: Intrusion Possible.

A car rolls down the lane. No lights. No honk. Just… creeping. Like it’s been personally coached by every Lifetime thriller ever made.

Heff, my late mother’s & father’s old dog – a potato with fur and arthritic legs and a Jedi-level sixth sense – doesn’t even blink. Why? Because he knows the car. He knows the intruder. And he’s not wasting energy barking at someone who’s made ‘being unsettling familiar‘ a lifestyle.

So who was it?

Of course it was Bully Yates.

The man. The myth. The self-appointed property warden.

I don’t know what he was hoping to find:

A squat rave? Illegal composting? Me… asleep in my legally inhabited home?

No knock. No call. No ‘Hey, just passing through!’ Just a slow, silent roll in like he’s checking if the forbidden lamp is on in Rapunzel’s tower.

At this point I’m convinced he thinks the house is a stage and I’m a particularly defiant actor in his live-action performance of The Tenancy Trials.

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